3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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