Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
