All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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