i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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