How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
