Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
