I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
