I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
