I'm going to jail i love you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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