why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
