you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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