My liver just broke up with me...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
