It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
His nipple licking is glorious
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