I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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