The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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