Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
