Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
