I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
