Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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