ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
