dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
