But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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