He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
