i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
