If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
