"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
