Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize