Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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