at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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