My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is the high leading the old right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
