conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
