the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
