She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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