I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
