I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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