At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
