Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
