now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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