yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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