woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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