A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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