u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
