Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
