and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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