I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
