As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
