I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
