I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
