SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
