Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
