Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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