five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
