I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
