Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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