haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I accidentally burped into my bong.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
