I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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