I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize