I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i now understand why vodka
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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