it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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