Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
