Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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