I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
