She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
