I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
