She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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