seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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