We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
