I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
