she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
