I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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