For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
