Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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