At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
