I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I deserve this hangover.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
