Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
