I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
