I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
